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Self-Sabotage: Is Your Inner Child Sabotaging Your Life?

One thing that someone may find is that even though they want to achieve something, it doesn't mean that they have been able to make any progress. It could seem as though what they want to achieve is out of their reach.

Perhaps they have been trying to achieve something for months or maybe this has been going on for many years. Either way, experiencing life in this way is likely to be incredibly frustrating.

For Example

One may have the desire to have a relationship with someone who is emotionally unavailable and/or they might want to move forward in their career. Being stuck when it comes to one area of their life will be enough, let alone being stuck in two areas.

There may even be many other areas of their life that are not working; in this case, their whole life will have come to a standstill. They will then have the need to change their whole life, but this won't have been possible so far.

External Feedback

If one was to open up to a friend about what is going on for them, they may end up being told that that they need to work on their self-esteem. The reason why they haven't been able to move forward will be due to the fact that they don't value themselves.

Therefore, once they start to increase their self-esteem, they will gradually be able to move forward. One could accept this, believing that this is what they need to work on to be able to change their life.

Going Up

What one could then do is to look into what they need to do to increase their self-esteem. This could be a time when they will use affirmations and focus on their good traits, among other things.

After using these for a little while, one may find that they start to feel better about themselves. At the same time, one may find that even though they feel better about themselves, their life still doesn't change.

Going Down

If this was to take place, it is not going to be much of a surprise if one ends up seeing themselves as a victim. They will have done the right thing by increasing their self-esteem and yet, their life will be no different.

If one saw themselves as a victim before they took this route, they could go even further into this experience. Still, feeling helpless, hopeless and powerless, for instance, is going to be normal if one believes that they have no control over their life.

Beyond The Story

One could end up opening up to another friend about what they are going through and this friend could come out with something very different. They could say that another part of their being might not want their life.

They could make it clear that while there is one physical part of them, there is more than one part of them when it comes to their inner self. One is then going to be aware of the part that wants to move forward, but they won't be aware of the part that doesn't.

Confusion

Upon hearing this, one could end up dismissing what their friend has come out with. One might believe that this friend doesn't know what they are talking about; if anything, they are delusional.

Then again, one may find that they can relate to what their friend has said, with them being aware of another part of them that doesn't want to move forward. This part of them can then be what is stopping them from transforming their life.

A Deeper Look

If they were to surrender to this part of them and to get in touch with how they feel, they may find that they no longer feel like an adult. It could be as if they have regressed to an earlier stage of their life.

Another way of looking at this would be to say that they are in touch with their inner child. Many, many years may have passed since they were a small child, but the small child that they once were will live within them.

A Different Experience

To the adult part of them, moving forward will be seen as something positive, but to the child part of them, moving forward will be seen as something negative. The child part of them could believe that their life would end up if anything was to change.

What this could illustrate is that one's early years were a time when they were abused and/or neglected. Not only would this have traumatised them, it would have also stopped them from being able to develop a sense of safety and trust.

One Need

Experiencing life in the same way is going to cause their adult self to suffer, but it will be what feels safe to their child self. The former will do what it can to change their life, while the latter will do what it can to keep it the same.

And what will be perfectly clear to them at this point, is that their child self has far more control than their adult self. Their child self will need to be on board with the changes that their adult self wants to make.

Awareness

The child part of them will most likely have a lot to say and it can carry a lot of pain that needs to be cried out. This is something that can take place with the assistance of a therapist or a healer.

Someone like this will hold the space so that one can go where they wouldn't go by themselves. The truth is that the child part of them is not their enemy; it simply needs to be understood and gradually integrated into the rest of their being.

Teacher, prolific writer, author, and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, and inner awareness. With over two thousand, two hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.

To find out more go to - http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/

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Ten Steps To Personal Freedom

Most of us go through times in our lives when we learn to live inside self- imposed prisons of our own making and sometimes triggered by the way other people treat us. For instance, a low self-esteem can cripple our ability to function effectively and have an impact on the way we do life.

Social withdrawal and self-neglect can be outward signs of a low self-esteem and sometimes there are more serious consequences including eating disorders and depression. However, a surprising number of people don't think they are worth very much and spend a lot of time trying to bolster or change their perception of themselves by adapting their body image, going on crash diets, doing drugs and getting involved in heavy drinking. Most of us have become experts on how to use various coping mechanisms as an aid to survival, finding ways of covering up the way things really are.

Restraints placed upon us by those around us can also be debilitating factors in the way we live our lives. It's one thing to have a healthy sense of responsibility for the people around us, it's quite another thing to allow ourselves to be manipulated by others to the point where we feel imprisoned and trapped. A misinformed understanding of the unique value of every human being can have a huge impact on the way we live. If you don't believe you are unique and have a special place in this world with a special purpose to fulfil, then life can become quite pointless and under valued.

It's certainly true that a complicated family background and the way we were raised as children can have a long-term impact on our sense of self-worth, but we should not allow our past to dictate our future.

So here are my Ten Steps To Personal Freedom

1. Make an inventory of your life and count every blessing.

The old saying, "a pessimist sees the glass half empty; the optimist sees the glass half full and the engineer thinks that the glass is twice the size it should be," can be applied to the way we live our lives. Take time out to think about the good things in life, not the negative things. Focus on the positive. That doesn't mean we live in cloud cuckoo land and pretend that everything is OK when we know it isn't. It does mean that dwelling on the positive can have a profound effect on our attitude to life, relationships, love and life.

2. Create your own personal space and spend 10 minutes each day in silence

Mindfulness is becoming more and more popular because people are realising that in our frantic lives, we need time to be quiet and be refreshed in body, mind and spirit. Having time each day to relax and reflect can have a positive affect on our health and well-being.

3. Remember your value is counted in who you are, not what you do.

I was brought up with a conventional business diary and spent every waking moment trying to fill it with stuff. People too easily find their self-worth in what they do rather than in who they are. This is a big mistake and often the reason why people fall apart when the retire from working life. If other people only value you for what you do, they are not true friends.

4. Do not open the door to every opportunity that knocks.

If you are like me, you will have hundreds of files, eBooks, courses and business opportunities that you thought were a good idea at the time, but the reality is, you have never looked at most of them! Learning to be focussed enables you to be free from the shackles of endlessly striving after the next big thing, and never actually hitting the mark.

5. Get the right people around you in supportive partnerships.

If you mix with negative people who are always complaining and moaning about everything under the sun, that attitude will rub off on you too. That's no way to live your life. We are surrounded by bad stuff, things that can go wrong. But dwelling on these things will result in your life grinding to a halt and going nowhere.

6. Choose a mentor and speak about life and business once each month.

Find someone you can trust, and be ready for some mutual sharing of visions and dreams. This can be tremendously life-affirming, when you can find someone who relates to your aspirations for life and will encourage you to stay focussed and on the straight and narrow in order to reach your goals.

7. Set aside one clear day each week for relaxation.

It's built-in to the way we function most effectively as human beings. We need at least one day off each week, that way your working and activity time will be much more productive and fruitful.

8. Don't be afraid to fall in love - with the right person!

Love has become a dirty word in Western culture. It's been cheapened by endless Soap Opera's and "reality TV" shows. We so easily buy into the myth and end up in another self-imposed prison. However, finding love which is unconditional with someone who is your soul mate, is a wonderful thing. Many of us have been hurt by relationships that went wrong. And this can prevent us from trusting anyone again. Don't let negative experiences affect your openness for mutually loving relationships.

9. Set aside 10% of the money you earn for charity

Seriously! Giving money away to a reputable charity is hugely beneficial, not just for them! There is something very therapeutic about giving with a generous heart to those less fortunate than us. Not giving in a patronising way, but giving out of genuine care.

10. Go on a 2 week Short Term Mission Trip

If you feel trapped by life, take time out to go on a Short Term Mission Trip to a developing country. It will change your life. There are loads of opportunities out there, just make sure you choose a reputable mission agency, which will give you proper orientation training, ways to operate in a different culture with respect and sensitivity.

I could go on! But it's time to stop. Please read my other articles about self-help and life coaching.

Steve Flashman has had many years of experience as a Life Coach based not on theories and abstract ideas, but on his own life experience. He teaches strategies and techniques that will bring transformation to life, love and business. Life Coaching

Article Source: https://EzineArticles.com/expert/Steve_Flashman/249738

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