Brain GYM and Reading

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My day began with taking a class on Brain Gym 101, led by Mari Miyoshi.

She is such a delight!

Brain Gym is this self-improvement technique discovered by Dr. Paul Dennison. It caught my attention because Dennison worked as a public-school teacher and reading specialist in the 1960s, researching more effective ways to help children and adults with learning difficulties. As a result, he came up with this technique.

It consists of 26 movements and works towards balancing your brain.

One of my absolute favourites was the sequence called PACE.

It begins with taking a sip of water, which nourishes your nervous system.

Sipping Water stands for E (Energy) in PACE.

BRAIN BUTTONS stand for C (Clear) in PACE.

Rest one hand over your navel. With the thumb and fingers of the other hand, feel for the two hollow areas under the collarbone, about one inch out from the canter of the chest. Rub these areas vigorously for 30 seconds. If you want to add an extra level of complexity, you can also look from left to right.

Why do we do it? This stimulates the carotid arteries which supply freshly oxygenated blood to the brain. They help re-establish directional messages from parts of the body to the brain, improving reading, writing, speaking and the ability to follow directions.

CROSS-CRAWL stands for A (Active) in PACE.

Standing up, "march" in place, alternately touching each hand to the opposite knee.

Continue during the course of four to eight complete, relaxed breaths.

Why do we do this? This exercise is wonderful for improving reading, listening, writing and memory. It co-ordinates the whole brain.

The last exercise in the sequence called Hook-Ups. It stands for P (Positive) in PACE.

Start by sitting in a chair, resting your left ankle on top of your right knee. Grasp your left ankle with your right hand and the ball of your right foot with your right hand. As you inhale, place your tongue flat against the roof of your mouth, about one-quarter of an inch behind your front teeth. Relax your tongue as you exhale. Close your eyes and rest in this posture for four to eight complete breaths.

Now uncross your legs, placing your feet flat on the floor. Lightly steeple the fingertips of both hands

together, as if you were enclosing a ball.

Keep your eyes closed as you continue to lift your tongue on the inhalation and lower it on the exhalation, relaxing in this position during the course of four to eight complete breaths.

This exercise connects the two hemispheres of the brain and strengthens the body's electrical energy, particularly in stressful environments such as offices. Reported benefits are increased vitality and improved self-esteem.

I plan to use this sequence to set the stage for learning and reading. It certainly had an energizing and soothing effect on my brain. I highly recommend the program!

Memory Course on Udemy https://www.udemy.com/5-steps-to-remembering/?couponCode=Friendsandfamily+

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The Next Chapter Of Your Life Begins With The One You're Living Now

Something Of Benefit Also Comes With Its Problems

Are you always looking to the next chapter of your life because you're fed up with the one you're living now? You wouldn't be the only one since many people wait for things to improve because they are dissatisfied with the way things are. But how much of it is perception? Do things actually improve when life gets better? For example, those who win the lottery are worse off five to seven years later, according to statistics. Most of them squander their winnings and are in more debt than before they won the lottery. But how can this be? How can winning a large sum of money lead a person to be worse off than before? Financial experts believe they lack the financial skills to manage large sums of money and they spend frivolously because they are certain the money will not run out.

We may experience something similar if we believe getting what we want will make us happier. For instance, the two main problems people often face in coaching relate to finances and relationships. People are convinced when they have more money or a loving partner, their problems will vanish. Is this something you believe? I know I have. I wasn't aware that getting what I want also means getting what I don't want. What do I mean? There are two sides to a coin, meaning that something of benefit also comes with its problems. The key is to find balance and harmony in what we want and not over-complicate matters.

Therefore, attracting more money means having to give up something in order to earn it or learning to manage money more effectively. Similarly, having a fulfilling relationship has its downsides (which is favourable if you consider what you gain). That is, we must invest our time and energy to cultivate the relationship, otherwise our partner might not stay around for long. That is to say, when we are looking for a relationship, we are heavily invested in the process but we don't realise how much time and energy is required to sustain it. This is a desirable quality because anything worth building requires two people to invest their time and energy to create a strong foundation. Some people are not aware of what it requires to maintain and build a relationship and so they stop contributing to it at some point. They divest their energy and the relationship falls apart. I once heard a relationship counsellor suggest that people stay parked in relationships which is why it eventually ends.

Be Invested In The Life You Have Now

If we wish for the next chapter of our life to arrive, we must be aware of the problems that go with it. If we are not ready for what life will bring, we will lose what we gain. That is why the title of this article reads: The Next Chapter Of Your Life Begins With The One You're Living Now. What am I referring to? The life you're living now is the one you created, whether consciously or unconsciously. You attracted the conditions and even though it may be full of challenges and setbacks, there may be a reason for it. So wishing away the pain and disappointment means wishing away the personal growth that accompanies it. Some might say: "Tony, why would I want to attract health problems and a lack of money?" I don't know your particular situation but it is my experience people attract their life's conditions on an unconscious level because they haven't transformed their limiting beliefs with what they want. Does this make sense, insofar as your inner conflicts will make themselves visible in your reality until you reconcile them?

For example, if you unconsciously hold limiting beliefs of your unworthiness to attract a loving relationship, no matter how many dating sites you sign up to, you are bound to experience disappointment. I'm not suggesting everyone on dating sites will experience pain and heartache. There are many thousands of people who find a devoted partner every day because they are ready for it and have done the work to transform their limiting beliefs. Pain and disappointment can highlight areas of our life we must devote our attention to. It requires self-examination on why we are attracting those circumstances. For instance, a person with poor financial skills might attract unwanted financial conditions until they honour their self-worth. Perhaps they were brought up with a tough parent who criticised them. They may have adopted this belief which now shows up through their finances.

So what I'm trying to say is: until we recognise what is stopping us from attaining what we want, we will continue to attract undesirable conditions. We can change strategies and enlist the help of coaches, guides and mentors and some of it may work. However, if we are not committed to our personal growth, we will go back to our old ways eventually. It requires being invested in the life we have now. Your problems and challenges are the keys to your redemption. As the aphorism states: "The obstacle is the way." It is showing the exit off the freeway so you may experience better living conditions. But the price you must pay is doing the work to remove any unconscious impediments that stand in your way. With this in mind, I'd like you to give some thought to areas of your life where you feel held back. Write in your journal or diary how you may be unconsciously sabotaging yourself. What is the trade-off? What do you get by living these unconscious beliefs? Perhaps you prefer to remain safe in your comfort zone? Every belief serves a purpose, even ones that limit our potential. Ultimately, if we are constantly expecting the next chapter of our life to arrive without living the one we have now, we will attract situations that are not for our highest good.

Do you want to lead a remarkable life? Are you committed to taking action despite your fears and doubts? If so, download your FREE copy of my eBook NAVIGATE LIFE right now, and start your amazing journey of greatness today!

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When Your Present Life Isn't Working

What can you do when you believe, that your present life isn't working properly for you-or that it isn't working at all?

This may be a tough question, but it's an important one.

Symptoms that suggest you're not satisfied with your present life include agonizing over your past, feeling sorry for yourself, complaining that "you didn't do this or that," and repeating your old failures.

After taking all the above indicators into consideration, there's one more that's a sure sign you aren't satisfied with your present life: your excuse for not making any positive changes.

Let me tell you something. Whenever people ask me to tell them about my previous traumatic experiences, such as how my family escaped war in my homeland, I refuse to tell them anything.

Am I being rude by not responding to their request? Not at all. I'm protecting myself from allowing a past traumatic experience to ruin my present life.

When people start to talk about previous negative or traumatic experiences, they actually bring those past traumas into the present. In those moments, they live in the past.

Is dragging negative past experiences into the present helpful? No, it isn't.

Bringing a bad, sad, or traumatic experience into the present also brings very strong emotional charges that are connected to that experience.

Of course, if you've had a strong emotional experience, the neural circuits of your brain will remember it forever. Each experience is accompanied by strong emotions, either positive or negative, and each negative experience leads to the release of "bad chemicals" (stress hormones).

When you talk about your past traumatic experience, you're reliving it in the present time, thereby releasing the same stressful hormones twenty or more years after the event has occurred. Your brain doesn't know the difference between the real-life event and your memory of that event, which is creating the same emotions.

The problem begins when people think and feel about the past and do nothing about the present.

You can't change your past. You can change only your present. However, notice that I didn't say you can change everything in your present life.

However, if you believe that something's wrong with your present life, try to change it if you can.

Don't dwell on the past while making excuses about life not being "fair." (Whoever said that life is fair, anyway?) It's just one more excuse for doing nothing to change your present life.

Start to change your life by changing your neurochemistry; you can do that simply by changing the way you think about things in your life.

Remember: Your thoughts and feelings create your present.

When you break the cycle of negativity that surrounds you, your present life will work for you.

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Self-Sabotage: Is Your Inner Child Sabotaging Your Life?

One thing that someone may find is that even though they want to achieve something, it doesn't mean that they have been able to make any progress. It could seem as though what they want to achieve is out of their reach.

Perhaps they have been trying to achieve something for months or maybe this has been going on for many years. Either way, experiencing life in this way is likely to be incredibly frustrating.

For Example

One may have the desire to have a relationship with someone who is emotionally unavailable and/or they might want to move forward in their career. Being stuck when it comes to one area of their life will be enough, let alone being stuck in two areas.

There may even be many other areas of their life that are not working; in this case, their whole life will have come to a standstill. They will then have the need to change their whole life, but this won't have been possible so far.

External Feedback

If one was to open up to a friend about what is going on for them, they may end up being told that that they need to work on their self-esteem. The reason why they haven't been able to move forward will be due to the fact that they don't value themselves.

Therefore, once they start to increase their self-esteem, they will gradually be able to move forward. One could accept this, believing that this is what they need to work on to be able to change their life.

Going Up

What one could then do is to look into what they need to do to increase their self-esteem. This could be a time when they will use affirmations and focus on their good traits, among other things.

After using these for a little while, one may find that they start to feel better about themselves. At the same time, one may find that even though they feel better about themselves, their life still doesn't change.

Going Down

If this was to take place, it is not going to be much of a surprise if one ends up seeing themselves as a victim. They will have done the right thing by increasing their self-esteem and yet, their life will be no different.

If one saw themselves as a victim before they took this route, they could go even further into this experience. Still, feeling helpless, hopeless and powerless, for instance, is going to be normal if one believes that they have no control over their life.

Beyond The Story

One could end up opening up to another friend about what they are going through and this friend could come out with something very different. They could say that another part of their being might not want their life.

They could make it clear that while there is one physical part of them, there is more than one part of them when it comes to their inner self. One is then going to be aware of the part that wants to move forward, but they won't be aware of the part that doesn't.

Confusion

Upon hearing this, one could end up dismissing what their friend has come out with. One might believe that this friend doesn't know what they are talking about; if anything, they are delusional.

Then again, one may find that they can relate to what their friend has said, with them being aware of another part of them that doesn't want to move forward. This part of them can then be what is stopping them from transforming their life.

A Deeper Look

If they were to surrender to this part of them and to get in touch with how they feel, they may find that they no longer feel like an adult. It could be as if they have regressed to an earlier stage of their life.

Another way of looking at this would be to say that they are in touch with their inner child. Many, many years may have passed since they were a small child, but the small child that they once were will live within them.

A Different Experience

To the adult part of them, moving forward will be seen as something positive, but to the child part of them, moving forward will be seen as something negative. The child part of them could believe that their life would end up if anything was to change.

What this could illustrate is that one's early years were a time when they were abused and/or neglected. Not only would this have traumatised them, it would have also stopped them from being able to develop a sense of safety and trust.

One Need

Experiencing life in the same way is going to cause their adult self to suffer, but it will be what feels safe to their child self. The former will do what it can to change their life, while the latter will do what it can to keep it the same.

And what will be perfectly clear to them at this point, is that their child self has far more control than their adult self. Their child self will need to be on board with the changes that their adult self wants to make.

Awareness

The child part of them will most likely have a lot to say and it can carry a lot of pain that needs to be cried out. This is something that can take place with the assistance of a therapist or a healer.

Someone like this will hold the space so that one can go where they wouldn't go by themselves. The truth is that the child part of them is not their enemy; it simply needs to be understood and gradually integrated into the rest of their being.

Teacher, prolific writer, author, and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, and inner awareness. With over two thousand, two hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.

To find out more go to - http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/

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Productivity - How to Be Productive at Work Daily

Introduction

In this article, I will be discuss simple steps to take action on each day at work to accomplish more in less time. By following these steps, you will learn how to be productive at work on a daily basis.

Benefits of Increasing Productivity

Learning how to be more productive, especially at work, typically results in you increasing the efficiency with which you complete your tasks. Completing more work in less time has many benefits from the obvious benefit of freeing up more of your time for non-work related tasks, increasing your motivation to continue to be productive, increasing your sense of accomplishment and reducing your overall stress levels.

Then of course, there are the positive work benefits that come from increasing your productivity--especially on a daily basis. By being able to complete more work in less time with the high level of quality that you typically complete your work-related tasks, you are literally achieving more at work. Achieving more at work usually earns you benefits that will likely impact your life, and your work life balance, positively.

How to be Productive at Work Daily

There is no one set of strategies or steps to becoming "productive," and what leads to success for one person may be a disastrous strategy for another person to try to follow. As a result, I encourage you to test out each of the steps below, and decide for yourself which of the steps will be effective at increasing your productivity at work, and that are therefore worth the effort to put into action, and continue using, until you see positive results. These positive results likely will not happen after just one attempt, rather try each step out for at least a week before making a final decision on whether that particular strategy is personally beneficial for you to pursue.

Step 1: Tie Rewarding Tasks for Finishing Work Tasks: To increase your productivity daily at work, you can tie enjoying a rewarding task with accomplishing a less rewarding and/or necessary work-related task.

For example, you can delay enjoying a rewarding task, such as having your first cup of coffee or tea, until after you complete one work-related task. Or, you can delay checking any social media until you've completed three work-related tasks.

Step 2: Shift Your "Productivity" Schedule: Everyone experiences a natural lull in energy at some throughout the day. If you are working outside of the home, in a 9-5 or similar job, that lull in energy typically (but not always) comes during the late afternoon.

Shift your work schedule by one hour so that you are leaving work, or at least not attempting to be highly productive, by 4:00 p.m. or whenever your energy lull happens to be. This will ensure that you have more energy to be productive during work hours that you decide will be productive, and reduces your stress levels by not creating unrealistic expectations of what you should accomplish right before the 5:00 p.m. end of day hits.

Step 3: Snacking to Keep Your Energy and Productivity Up: Continuing with the idea that people naturally have more energy to be highly productive at certain times of day, you should also be aware of how the food you eat can positively increase the energy you have and can help you to be more productive.

Foods, typically fruit such as apples, oranges, and bananas, or other foods like honey and agave, are high in both fructose and sucrose. These are two sugars that serve different energy purposes in your body, one giving you a short term energy boost while the other gives you energy over a longer period of time. In either case, by snacking puposefully, you can help make sure that you have the stamina to finish your work day strong and with the high level of productivity you started your day with.

Step 4: Start and End Your Day With Special Tasks: For most people, the most challenging part of experiencing consistently high levels of productivity is finding the motivation to just start working. To help with this problem, try giving yourself select tasks to work on to start and end your day.

To begin your day successfully and to quickly achieve productivity in your day, the first task you should try to accomplish is something fairly short, simple and/or enjoyable to complete. This will ensure that you finish your first task of the day, and that you are left with positive feelings of motivation and accomplishment from doing so.

To end your day, and prepare for the next day, leave work when you are only halfway done with a particular task that can be completed the next day without having a negative impact on your work. Most people feel uncomfortable with "unfinished" work, and this sense of not finishing your work and the discomfort that comes with it will provide a reliable source of motivation to start your work immediately the next day to be able to get to and complete your previous day's unfinished task.

By the way, if you would like to learn more about productivity strategies, you can download my free audio training "How to Create Your Productive Work Environment" by clicking here: https://www.freedownload.greatworklifebalancehabits.com/productiveenvironment.

My name is Jazmin Leon, and I am a certified master coach whose primary work involves guiding clients in how to build positive habits to increase their satisfaction with their ability to balance their professional and personal lives and learning how to develop the work life balance they deserve to live. I have a background in neuroscience and psychology, advanced educational learning techniques and instructional design, and have spent years studying how to effectively prevent and reduce burnout and increase work life balance among busy professionals.

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Japanese Psychology and Emotions

Emotions are impulses to act. They force you to stop, assess any potential threat, and then act, all within a split second. Some of the stronger emotions like fear and anger are very threatening and can trigger the fight or flight response all by themselves.

People often confuse negative emotions with stress. They are two different things. Negative emotions are just emotions. The stress response involves emotions but transcends them. How you perceive negative emotions and cope (or not cope) with them is the determining factor in whether or not they triggers a stress response.

For example, if you wake up feeling anxious you can tell yourself, "Huh, I'm feeling a little anxious this morning. I'll have to be extra careful to relax a little more today." This self-talk will defuse the stressful potential of the emotion. If you told yourself, " Wow, I'm really feeling anxious. I am so stressed," your mind would perceive you anxiety as a threat that you can't cope with and trigger a stress response. Anxiety, like any other emotion, is a feeling, not stress.

One of the cornerstones of my work is integrating Japanese psychology techniques drawn from Naikan and Morita therapy into stress management. These two forms of Japanese psychology incorporate a uniquely Eastern approach to understanding and managing emotions that is influenced by Buddhism.

The following five principles are derived from the work of David K Reynolds (2002), the person most responsible for bringing Japanese Psychology to the United States. These principles clearly illustrate a Japanese Psychology approach to understanding emotions.

Principle # 1. Your feelings are not controllable by your will.

While you can learn how to identify what you are feeling, and even understand how it relates to your stress, you can't switch feelings on and off with your willpower. Feelings arise on their own; they come and go like the wind. You cannot will yourself to feel something you don't feel. For example, stop reading and feel happy. Just use your will power to feel happy. OK, now shift your focus and be sad. Go ahead, feel sad.

As you can see, you cannot directly control them by your sheer will alone. What you can control is your behavior; what you do in response to your feelings.

Principle # 2. You must recognize and accept your feelings for what they are.

Since feelings come and go on their own, and they are beyond your ability to control, it doesn't make sense to feel responsible for them or feel guilty about being unable to control them. Rather than feel guilty or responsible for your feelings it is better to simply note what you are feeling, accept this, and move on.

Principle # 3. Every feeling, however unpleasant, has its uses.

Even though you cannot control your feelings, you can use them as a catalyst for action. Acknowledging that you are feeling guilty, for instance, can motivate you to change your behavior and stop doing whatever it is triggering the feeling. In this sense you are using the feeling to identify the behavior and change it.

Principle # 4. Your feelings will fade in time unless you re-stimulate them.

Feelings, both positive and negative, diminish over time. Unless you do something to re-stimulate them (like constantly think about them and sub-vocally bring them up) your negative feelings will start to fade. This is a completely different approach to dealing with feelings from the one promoted by Western Psychology which advocates that you must analyze your painful feelings and figure out "why" you feel the way you do before taking any action to make them disappear.

Principle # 5. Your feelings are influenced by your behavior.

Feelings change in response to behavior. For instance, you can help get rid of negative feelings more rapidly by doing something that promotes positive feelings. This will not only take your mind off your painful feelings, it will trigger new positive feelings.

The Japanese psychology approach to managing painful feelings is simple; since you cannot control or fully understand them, it is a waste of time working on them or analyzing them. It is better to simply acknowledge them, accept them for what they are, and stop blaming them for causing your behavior. It is more productive, and emotionally healthy, to shift your focus to what you can control, your behavior

A Six Step Action Plan for Coexisting With Your Painful Feelings

Purpose: The following exercise, A Six Step Action Plan for Coexisting With Your Feelings, is designed to teach you a simple technique for noticing, accepting, and coexisting with painful emotions. It incorporates principles and practices from ACT and Morita therapy and will help you become aware of your painful emotions and be able to co-exist with them.

Instructions:

1. This week, pay closer attention to your stressful emotions. You can use a journal to help you keep track of them.

2. Don't question them or try to figure out why you are feeling them. Merely note what you are feeling.

3. After a couple of days of attending to your troubling feelings use the following six steps to help you manage them:

Step 1. Identify the feeling - Pay close attention to feeling and describe how it affects your body and mind in a non-judgmental manner. Example (using anxiety related to giving a presentation):

"Isn't this interesting, I am getting anxious again. I notice that whenever I have to give a presentation, I feel this way. My neck muscles start to tighten, my hands get clammy, and I start to breathe more rapidly and in a shallow fashion."

Step 2. Accept the feeling- Tell yourself:

"I am definitely feeling anxious. I'd rather not feel this way but I guess it is normal to feel like this when I have to do stand up in front of a work group and give a presentation."

Step 3. Tell yourself that you can co-exist with these feelings and still take action - Example:

"I really envy people who find it easy to give presentations. It is hard for me to stand in front of a group but I can co-exist with my anxiety while giving the presentation. I'll have to prepare harder and just accept the discomfort."

Step 4. Redirect Your Focus - Rather than focus on your emotions, re-direct your focus to behaviors related to the stressful situation that you can change. For instance, in this example you can make sure that you know your subject inside and out. You can use practice rehearsal in front of a mirror or a couple of friends to get ready. Check your audiovisual aids and other props to take the focus off of you and onto the technology. Make sure you have back-up materials just in case your primary ones fail.

Step 5. Get physical -Take a break and do something physical during this step. If you are home, be sure to get in some vigorous physical activity. If you are at work, take a break and walk a few flights of stairs. If your worksite has a fitness facility, get in a workout.

Step 6. Reinforce your ability to co-exist - Remind yourself that you can give a productive presentation despite being anxious. Tell yourself:

"I can do this. My feelings do not have to control my behavior."

In time, becoming more mindful of your painful feelings and practicing co-existing with them will become part of your daily routine.

For over 25 years Dr. Rich Blonna has been helping people just like you conquer their stress and live values-based lives filled with passion and purpose. As a certified coach (CPC), counselor (NCC), and health education specialist (CHES), Dr. Rich has a been able to take the best from each of these helping professions and mold them into a unique approach to stress management. In addition to his coaching practice, Dr Rich is a full-time tenured university professor and is a well-known stress management and sex expert. For information about Dr Rich's Rethink Course go to: https://www.drrichblonna.com/courses/courses-for-everyone/the-5-steps-to-conquering-your-stress-home-study-program-rethink-course/

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Delving Deep for Inner Insights

If you've done something you're embarrassed or ashamed, unhappy or guilty about avoid just coming away from the situation and feeling bad. The following is a process you can follow that can take you from feeling bad to feeling good about yourself and the situation in a matter of minutes.

Consider a recent occurrence that gives you that sinking feeling and observe the emotions and physical sensations that come to the fore. Try not to judge the emotions and sensations or try to suppress them. Just allow them to be for a moment, and tell yourself that with or without these feelings and bodily sensations you are OK.

Ask yourself what happened, what was the outcome of that occurrence? Then ask yourself what were the thoughts, feelings, habits and behaviours that led to that outcome? A useful technique to use here is the 'Ask Why Five Times' technique. This involves asking yourself why you thought or felt what you did, and why you behaved the way you did. The idea is that you keep asking the question 'why' in different ways to get to the answers.

Some of the variations of the 'why' question may be:

· What's the reason behind me doing, thinking, feeling this way?

· What is it about this thought, feeling or behaviour (T, F or B) that appeals to me?

· What benefit am I getting from this T, F or B?

· What does this mean to me?

Avoid 'I don't know' answers as this lets you off the hook. Ask yourself 'If I were to guess what would I say?' Your best guess is based on your gut reaction and is usually right.

Don't stop until you start to delve into territory that is new for you. Then continue to ask questions. When you start to repeat the same answers you can be pretty sure you've got to the end of the questioning process.

Your aim is to uncover some of your automatic ways of being that are the deep-rooted, underlying, real reasons for your behaviour. It is also about uncovering the true reasons for any lack of fulfilment or satisfaction you may feel in life.

At that point it's about asking questions such as:

· How can I think, feel or behave differently to start to change these habits?

· What actions can I take to bring about a different result effortlessly and easily?

This exercise if carried out correctly can give you some significant insights into your motivations for doing what you do, and puts you in a position of control. When you uncover the real reasons behind your behaviour, thoughts and feelings you start to understand who you truly are. And this is the beginning of you taking control of your life.

Carmen Gilfillan is the founder of Stimulus Development & Training. Stimulus specialises in helping people overcome emotional trauma, experience emotional breakthroughs, boost their health naturally and live their best lives. We do this through Life & Wellness Coaching, Emotional Freedom consultations and training in the areas of personal, professional and spiritual growth. Check out our website at http://www.stimulus.uk.com to book your free Emotional Breakthrough consultation.

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I'm Not Angry, It's You, It's Your Fault!

I'm guessing that many of us will have, at some time, been in the presence of someone who seems angry, even hostile, for no apparent reason. They may even claim not to be angry; it's your fault, you who's imagining it, who's projecting your own issues and emotions into the situation. We may even find ourselves wondering what happened, could it really be our fault? We may be unclear as to how to proceed.

Some people have a tendency to blow up at the slightest opportunity, for the most trivial of reasons and then claim that they were not angry, that we provoked them, it's our fault and we're to blame! They may twist our words and actions, manipulate situations, 'gas light' us.

When we know there's no obvious reason for such an outburst we may wish to dig deeper and find clues to help us address the underlying issues behind such anger. If we can't simply walk away from the relationship how do we persuade a person to acknowledge the inappropriateness of their behaviour or help them accept that there are issues that need resolving?

What do you do if you suspect you're becoming that person?

- Notice if other people are starting to back away from you. Everyone can't be wrong! A big clue that you're the angry one who's behaving unreasonably is when you realise that people have stopped discussing sensitive matters with you. A shrug and a 'there's no point discussing it, you never listen', may be fine at busy or stressful times, but gradually others may start to form closer relationships whilst you become relegated to the role of outsider. Noticing this can provoke an increase of anger and frustration, but it can be the cue to start taking more responsibility for your alienating behaviour.

- Do people claim that you're not interested or don't understand? Relationships are not all about you and are meant to be a two-way exchange, even if you don't like or agree with the other person's point of view. Practise constructive listening. This means calmly reflecting back what you've heard so that the speaker is reassured that you've understood. It can be tough at first to resist the temptation to be mentally preparing your response before they've even finished speaking, but giving others respect and understanding will help to improve your relationships.

- A victim mentality can result in angry responses to any perceived criticism or rejection. This may be caused by unresolved issues, sometimes going back many years. That sneaking suspicion that we're not good enough, that we've succeeded by accident, that we'll be found out at any moment can cause defensive, angry responses in a bid to fend off further comments or investigation.

- 'Stop telling me what to do' is a common expression in households where young people are growing up and starting to flex their wings. Over time though, some people may seem incapable of phrasing requests in an acceptable way and so are seen as bossy, ego-driven and dominant, whereas others may be resistant to taking instruction well. This can be problematical in work-related situations. Learning to discuss matters respectfully can help avoid an escalation of tensions.

- Unresolved issues may be caused through an inability to properly communicate our feelings, ask for help or discuss what's going on. We may have learned to keep quiet and not express ourselves well or expect others to be psychic and intuit our true thoughts and feelings. Maybe we hate risking feeling vulnerable and anticipate that others won't understand. All these are our own issues that can prompt an angry response. It may be that a few counselling and hypnotherapy sessions can help us work through any unhelpful patterns of behaviour.

- Too much going on, where we're loathe to decline requests and continually accept more commitments can result in a stress overload and burnout. We may agree to requests out of concern or fear, perhaps of missing out, of appearing that we're not coping, that we're not up to the job. However, it's often better to explain what else is going on in our lives, to ask for extra training and discuss our situation. Sometimes other people issue requests without fully realising what other commitments we have.

- Counselling and hypnotherapy can help in resolving underlying issues of rejection, low self-esteem and confidence. It can be important to appreciate that perspective has a significant role too in our experience of anger. How we look at things, how we interpret what's going on is frequently done from how they impact on us and our lives. Getting to grips with the fact that others may be better than us in some areas, right in what they're saying, entitled to their point of view, can make a massive difference to the way we react to experiences. Accepting that we have to 'get over ourselves' can be a big step in the right direction.

- Learn to laugh at yourself when you see how uptight, foolish or wrong you're being. Self-awareness can deliver a much more relaxed, less stressed way of responding to things that happen and can enable everyone to ease up too and be more creative and supportive of each other.

- Finding a code word or effective way of recognising and calling 'time out' can be a valuable way of intercepting tense situations before they escalate. All parties need to agree in advance, but taking a break before anger erupts can give time to calm, recognise the triggers and maybe discuss them before too much harm is caused.

And don't forget, once said, things cannot be unsaid. They may be understood, excused, even forgiven, but it's less easy to forget harsh words spoken in anger.

Susan Leigh, counsellor, hypnotherapist, relationship counsellor, writer & media contributor offers help with relationship issues, stress management, assertiveness and confidence. She works with individual clients, couples and provides corporate workshops and support.

She's author of 3 books, 'Dealing with Stress, Managing its Impact', '101 Days of Inspiration #tipoftheday' and 'Dealing with Death, Coping with the Pain', all on Amazon & with easy to read sections, tips and ideas to help you feel more positive about your life.

To order a copy or for more information, help and free articles visit http://www.lifestyletherapy.net

Article Source: https://EzineArticles.com/expert/Susan_Leigh/399535

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Your Body's Mystery Chemical

Serotonin is on everyone's lips lately. This strange little neurotransmitter shows up in all sort of weird places. Its role in mood regulation is so critical that many researchers call it the 'happy molecule.' It regulates appetite too.

Hypnotists - I hope you're paying attention. This little bundle of joy is worth paying attention to.

Mood, appetite - okay, that sounds reasonable. After all, there's a link between those two. Whether you're an emotional eater or sadness kills your hunger, either way there's a connection. So maybe this one chemical is responsible for changes in both? Maybe the stereotype of crying into a pint of ice cream comes from this?

Hold on to that thought. We're not done exploring what serotonin can do.

Most people who know about serotonin heard about it because of SSRIs. These drugs - selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors - are common antidepressants. Not surprising, if it's a neurotransmitter associated with mood.

So serotonin must help with depression, right?

Well... the truth is that we don't know. That's the common view. If you talk to anyone who researches this stuff, though, they'll tell you that explanation is too simple. Some drugs that mess around with serotonin levels don't treat depression. There's something else going on, too.

My advice would be to pay attention to the latest research. You don't want to parrot the popular view, only to have a doctor wave some new paper in your face. This story is still unfolding, so just know that there are unanswered questions here.

Let's put the depression question to the side. It's a thorny issue at the best of times.

In fact, let's move outside of the brain entirely.

The neural clusters around your intestines produce almost all of your serotonin. For a neurotransmitter, it spends a lot of time outside the skull.

It regulates aspects of digestion. Serotonin regulates bowel movements and triggers nausea. And we've already mentioned appetite regulation.

When you bleed, it even helps keep you alive by forming blood clots.

It does a lot of different things, most of them physical. Are these relevant to you, as a hypnotist? They can be. This is one of the more obvious ways that mental problems can manifest as physical ones.

But really what you should focus on is this:

If a client just wants to feel better, then serotonin plays a role. If their appetite stabilises as a side effect, I doubt they'll complain. And if over the course of their time with you they happen to cut themselves, rapid healing makes for a beautiful convincer of the power of the mind.

Thoughts link to your flesh. Your issues lie in your tissues. Chemicals like serotonin are the simplest mechanism that bridges these two domains.

If you want to experience how a change in thought leads to a change in yourself, head on over and have a read:

https://guided-thought.com/awakened-thought/

Article Source: https://EzineArticles.com/expert/William_T_Batten/2522089

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How Helping Others Helps You

There's no doubt that helping people has been my life for many years. Right from the time when I was a programmer at British Aerospace and used to help my friends debug their programs to my business working with Chet Holmes and Tony Robbins as their business coach across the world.

The Huffington Post even reports on research that shows you're happier when you're helping people at work! More research also shows you live longer by contributing to others.

Of course, when I set out on my career I didn't know this research! I just loved to help people, which unfortunately when I started my own business meant I did a lot of work for nothing.

I learned my lesson - no food on the table - pretty quickly. However, that's never stopped me from helping people anyway.

The most exciting thing I found when I'm in the middle of something with other people is when they realize they can do more than they thought. A really lovely factor in coaching.

However, ultimately I realized I was only helping a small fraction of the number of people who could benefit from the knowledge and tools I had. So I wrote a short book (called Leap Ahead of Your Competitors) that was intended to help all the smaller companies with marketing and running a business. Because I wanted the maximum number of people to benefit I used to hand it out for free to those who couldn't afford my coaching but I knew would benefit from its contents.

Then I thought, part of the journey for any entrepreneur or business person is personal growth. A topic that is unseen but makes a huge difference to people, their families and people they know. So I decided to create a Facebook group called Personal Growth Tips to help people with their personal growth. If you'd like to take a peek it's at

Again, I didn't want to charge because my intention is to help as many people as possible to improve their current situations, but more than that I wanted their kids to benefit too. At the same time I know I'm not the fount of all personal growth knowledge! So I wanted to create a community that would help each other and grow together.

So, like I say the group is free to join and I'm looking at everyone who knows me to see who wants to grow and helps others do the same.

Here's the link to the Huffington Post article: https://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/07/30/helping-others-happy-altruism-work_n_3672477.html

Jim Symcox coaches businesses around the world. He's also a copywriter, blogger and the author of "How to Leap Ahead Of Your Competitors".

If you'd like to receive actionable personal growth tips each day, check out this new Facebook group I launched called Personal Growth Tips. Here's the link... it's free to join... https://www.facebook.com/groups/personalgrowthtipsgroup/

Article Source: https://EzineArticles.com/expert/Jim_Symcox/10646

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One Secret Of Hidden Fear That No One Talks About!

Rita was sitting on her back porch watching the darkness of night creep softly into the heavens. She looked in wonderous awe as the stars began lighting up the sky while dancing with delight. The mountain air soothed her soul. Yet she couldn't find peace.

Reflecting on her past and The Mystery at West Samms, she once again asked God why did this happen?

Rita was desperate to learn the reason and her heart ached with despair. It just didn't make sense that she lost everything she owned to Phantoms of Identity Theft.

Twenty eight years of hard dedicated work along with one million dollars in secure investments, life insurance, bank accounts and lost credit vanished within two weeks. The pain of her 2004 tragedy haunted her.

Rita didn't quit after her loss, she turned her attention to the internet. She learned quickly that there were even more Phantoms with online businesses. What little money she had she invested in every business model she could find. Yet regardless of her hard work and long hours, she just couldn't create a steady flow of money.

Rita built thousands of down-line members and continued to lose because of greed with a few business owners. Moving on she found a global company with excellent reviews and great products. Building a huge down-line this time was easy. And she made money for eight months.

Until she received a call from the CEO of the company that she nor her down-line would receive any commissions. The company abruptly closed its doors and dismantled the business structure. She was devastated.

And this was only the beginning of that online journey, Rita had to rebuild that million dollar nest egg again. She had never intentionally hurt anyone; what kind of Karma is this she asked. Rita prayed daily for answers and received nothing. Her life ruined for what reason?

After the bliss of her evening with nature watching the stars dance in the heavens, Rita once again asked God why her life wasn't working in her favor. She closed her eyes and waited. This time fourteen years later her mind accepted the open door of truth. She recognized her fear. God answered her prayer.

Rita built her million dollar retirement because of the fear of living on social security. This driven fear not only created a loss, but continued that loss for years to come.

Now at the age of sixty-seven Rita was living on Social Security. Her emotional passion of fear created exactly what fear does, it manifested itself into her reality and didn't leave.

Do you have a deep seeded fear? If so, please read these words carefully. Emotions manifest what we feel, not what we want.

Our emotions create our success or failure in life. Our subconscious mind totally believes what our conscious mind tells us. In Rita's life her emotional fear of living on Social Security was real and that's exactly what her subconscious mind brought to her.

One of my biggest goals in life is helping as many people as possible understand that they have the power to make their life as they want it to be. You can become whatever you set your mind to. And just like many of you, I have spent years searching for a fulfilled happy life. Join me in team spirit and meet some of the most amazing people who have experienced the good and the bad choices and moved forward to success. I write their stories. Find me on Facebook, LinkedIn, Referral Key or contact me through Financial Freedom Site. https://www.retire2freedom.com

Article Source: https://EzineArticles.com/expert/Patricia_A_Gaines/1360095

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Boost Your Creativity Through Practicing Tantra

What does creativity have to do with Tantra? Tantra is a practice that connects us with our inherent creative energy by bringing awareness to our energetic body. There is a current that runs through us all the time and we can use it to fuel all facets of our life. Let's look a little deeper into this concept.

Ancient yogis used the term 'Kundalini' or 'life force' to describe the energy that flows through us. This energy is with us from the moment we are conceived until the time we leave this planet. It is inherently creative in nature since it literally creates life! The very act of conceiving a baby is creative. None of us would be here on this planet, reading this article, without this life-giving energy. Sexual energy, therefore, is life force energy. And through tantric practice we get to learn how to access our life force sexual energy, the essence of life, to imbue every aspect of ourselves.

There are two dimensions to sexual life force energy:

Dimension 1
The first dimension is the creative spark that fuels and sustains us through our entire life.

Dimension 2
The second dimension is pleasure that is built into sexual energy.

Stifling creative energy

Now, what happens when sexual energy is stifled or constricted? We lose access to our creative Self. This is what has been happening over the millennia - the shaming, guilting and making wrong of sexuality that results in being disconnected from a vital force within us.

We are seeing the results of this suppression today through the breakdown of our relationships as it shows up in the Catholic Church, for example, or thorough the #MeToo movement. When sexual energy is repressed, it tends to come out "sideways" in an unhealthy way such as through sexual abuse, assault, and harassment. From a young age people are told, "Don't go to your sexual energy. Don't touch yourself. Wait until you are married." As if suddenly the sexual energy will become available to you then.

Setting your creative self free

The reality is that your sexual energy has always been available to you from the moment you were born. We can feel very pleasurable as babies and children. The simple act of playing can be pleasurable, or even the gentle breeze blowing on your skin. All of this is considered in the range of sexual energy and sensing. But very few people have grown up in an environment that teaches sexual energy as a healthy, beautiful expression of self. Most people do not know how to have a healthy relationship with their sexual life force energy which is why all the breakdowns are occurring.

I remember that my dad called me a whore the first time I had intercourse at the age of 18. While I did not agree with him I was left with a sense of shame and feeling diminished as a woman. It took lots of self-discovery and work to reconnect with my life force energy so that I could learn to imbue my whole life - my health, my well-being, my work - with that wonderful creative essence.

Once I had access again to my creative energy I was able to get clear on what I wanted to dedicate my life to and what I had come for to do on this planet in the first place. Up until that point I had pursued a couple of different careers but not felt passion until I had done my own healing of my sexual wounding and had set myself free. Becoming a Tantra teacher was then the natural expression of my creative spark.

Once sexual life force energy is set free, we can use it to connect to and heal our body, heart and spirit. Then, we can channel this life giving energy throughout our physical and energetic body into our life's pursuits.

If you would like to learn more about how to access and channel your creative life force energy, go to TantraNova.com.

Dr. Elsbeth Meuth is the co-author of "Sexual Enlightenment: How to Create Lasting Fulfillment in Life, Love and Intimacy." She is the co-founder and director of the TantraNova Institute in Chicago offering workshop retreats throughout North America, Europe and Australia. She co-produced the bestselling DVD Series Creating Intimacy & Love and was featured on Showtime's documentary series Sexual Healing and the Emmy Award-winning NBC show Starting Over.

Over the past decade, Elsbeth and her partner Freddy Zental have assisted thousands of couples and singles rekindle or expand their intimate and love life. http://www.TantraNova.com

Article Source: https://EzineArticles.com/expert/Dr_Elsbeth_Meuth/895187

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Deal With Your Anger Issues

Have you ever seen a child eagerly awaiting their absentee parent who's coming to take them for a play date? When faced with the dawning realisation that the parent is not coming the child may become defensive or hurt, angrily crying that they hate that parent and wouldn't have gone with them anyway! Is that the truth?

Of course not, they're merely trying to cover up their disappointment and feelings of rejection in order to recover quickly and conceal their distress. Anger is often an alternative to crying or grief and can help us move forward from feeling vulnerable.

As an adult we hope to deal with our anger issues and move onto more effective ways of communicating our feelings. We start to see anger as an unhelpful, inelegant way of conveying our hurt or displeasure and quickly learn that it doesn't resolve matters. It often simply prevents us from moving on. Far better to learn to deal with emotive situations calmly and rationally, rather than let our feelings dictate and get the better of us.

When we find ourselves constantly resorting to anger, unable to deal well with conflict or disappointment we need to concern ourselves with finding other ways to resolve and sort out our anger issues.

Anger can manifest itself in several ways.

- We can be angry with ourselves, feel unworthy, unattractive, unintelligent and follow through with damaging, destructive behaviour like self-harm, bad habits, negative self-talk, so ruining any chance of success with our manner, attitude and approach. People with serious self-anger issues may set themselves gruelling challenges, never feel they've achieved enough or in the right way. Then they punish themselves further with a binge, purge or self-discipline regime.

- Other people can provoke our anger if we feel 'it's all right for them'! In those instances other people may be seen as especially gifted, advantaged or lucky, thus meaning that they have better or unfair chances of good fortune.

- We can be angry at situations and blame our circumstances for our lack of success; they're the reason things don't work out well. You'll hear, 'it's not fair', 'if only', 'I can't start until that's sorted'.

- Inanimate objects can bear the brunt of our anger too. People may kick, throw, stamp on and destroy objects due to their anger. Those items may even get the blame for things not working out!

Some tips to help you deal with your anger issues.

- Start to recognise the triggers, those situations where you find yourself losing control and becoming angry. Is it a look that you've received, a raised eyebrow, a shrug or smirk when you've spoken. Is it being ignored or not allowed to speak? Notice what sparks you off.

- Appreciate that others' reactions are not necessarily about you. There may be times when your behaviour, comment or body language affects the recipient in a provocative way. But we can never really know what's going on in someone else's mind or life. It's important to be respectful and allow all points of view to be heard.

- Ascertain the facts first. Stay calm and ask questions. Find out what's going on, what prompted their words or behaviour. Listen properly and with genuine interest. Avoid second-guessing, finishing their sentences or getting your reply ready before they've finished speaking.

- Respond rather than react. Consider each situation and what you want to achieve, what your desired outcome is. For example, if your car broke down on your way to an important meeting you could kick it, damage it in frustration but it wouldn't solve anything and seeing the damage afterwards would probably make you feel worse. Far better to stay calm and identify what needs to happen to remedy the situation as positively as possible.

- If a relationship is causing you anger issues you could suggest meeting to discuss them. Set a mutually convenient time. A public place can be good as it ensures communication remains civil in tone. Try to identify key areas of upset and own your feelings. Rather than accuse with, 'you make me feel', it's far better to prompt a discussion with, 'when this happens I feel'.

- Avoid lots of examples. They can hi-jack a conversation and rarely achieve anything useful, as you can get side-tracked. Examples seldom help to move the situation along.

- Alternatively writing a letter can be a good way to communicate your feelings. Take as long as necessary to process your thoughts so you're clear about what you want and need to say. It may take days or even weeks so that you're finally happy with the content and tone. This can be an effective way of dealing with someone who's disappeared from your life. Then when it's finished you can either mail it or have a ritual to signify that this phase of your life is finally over.

- A journal can equally be used to write down and work through angry and painful emotions, sometimes being kept in conjunction with counselling and hypnotherapy. Use effective methods to help you understand what the anger's about, what's been causing it. Those insights can improve your ability to communicate your feelings.

- Learning to communicate well can be a difficult process if good communications were not a part of your early years. Some families learned to keep quiet for fear of upsetting a volatile or easily upset family member. Or if a partner is perceived as being intelligent or eloquent, who twists whatever's said so that problems are your fault it can become easier to stay mute. But anger can then erupt as frustration, often over small and trivial things.

- Set your own boundaries in place so you protect yourself and are aware of what you will and won't tolerate. This allows you to gradually communicate how you feel effectively. You've learned not to inflame the situation, yet are able to be firm, fair and clear, keen to empathise and resolve any issues.

- Recognise the part that stress may play in your anger, your warning signs of being tired, irritable, not sleeping well. Let your partner know what you're going through. Good communications can play a major role in helping to deal with your anger issues. Let those closest support you at difficult times.

And remember, once said, things cannot be unsaid. They may be understood and even forgiven, but hurtful, angry words are often difficult to forget.

Susan Leigh, counsellor, hypnotherapist, relationship counsellor, writer & media contributor offers help with relationship issues, stress management, assertiveness and confidence. She works with individual clients, couples and provides corporate workshops and support.

She's author of 3 books, 'Dealing with Stress, Managing its Impact', '101 Days of Inspiration #tipoftheday' and 'Dealing with Death, Coping with the Pain', all on Amazon & with easy to read sections, tips and ideas to help you feel more positive about your life.

To order a copy or for more information, help and free articles visit http://www.lifestyletherapy.net

Article Source: https://EzineArticles.com/expert/Susan_Leigh/399535

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